World without Art

Solem, sadness, so depressing upon my soul and spirit everyday. To rise up each daybreak only to face the blandness of the abyss. My spirit wearing out the dreariness emptying my being. No joy of color would my world reflect, no rays of hope to shadow the colorless surroundings.
What glee could I reveal void of shape and imagination, nothing to shower on the things that come my way. How could I shine through each and everyday when all of darkness does engulf me?
Never to enjoy the grace of pastels that sprinkle playful upon the days , clashing boldly
against the primary hues of life. Exchanging their shades and shapes in brilliant form, never  to gaze at the sunrise or sunset of any day.
Does the painter of the canvas indulge in colorless oils, flicking drops of hope without form?
Worlds that hold no art, no form, no hope, no passion as all of our possibilities are gone. Love comes from the color of our hearts and paints the beauty of that creation to spread across the universe smothering in form that glows within the soul.

A Journey

Breathing deeply, filling up all the space within my lungs I feel this wonderful yet terrifing journey that I have traveled thus far. Life is what we humans make of it. A tangle mess of failures and successes all rolled into hundreds of thousands of brief moments.Sometimes we all must stop, hesitate and then take a review of our own journey. Looking back into my own rear view mirror I am amazingly reminded of all that has happen to me. How often I hear peope from all walks of life, young and old alike asking that age old question, why me? There are in thruth no easy answers, but the one thing that most often comes to mind, if not you then who? All of my experiences are unique for my life and all of the choices that I have made. With those selection comes the good and the bad,my personal teacher in my life. If not for my very own experiences then how would I have become the person that I am today? My life, my journey is the very tool that has taught me how to live as well as how not live. In the long run it doesn't matter whether or not I have had too many good or bad choices, only that I learn from each one. In the end what will matter the most is that I have taken something of importance that will improve my life. I therefore must have a value system where by I improve my life's circumstances. Life is sometimes like the same replay over and over always giving us the same daily flavors. In the end it is up to me the sort out those flavors, chose the ones that don't work and stir the ones that do. Often times I love the flavors of life and at other times I can't stand them, but the experience of those flavors remains my greatest teacher always. I know that I am fully and completely blessed in this life. Knowing that I will still have bad days ahead of me I strive to find those good flavors that will serve me best. Funny how facing death can quickly change your perspective in just one skip of a heartbeat.Yet just being able to breath is the best of all possible feelings and this is life at it's best. Learning to be well, live well is for me the greatest journey of all.

When the Bough Breaks

There have been so many times in my life when the weight of "my" world felt too heavy for me to carry. At the heart of the weight is an all too familiar situation that many persons experience.That weight being family issues. More than ever in today's world families are being torn apart by disagreements that can track back to money. At the heart of the matter is one person's need for control. How is it that people, human beings that claim to be so caring for one another, having shared so much love through a lifetime are torn apart by material items that in our afterlife serve no purpose? Having had this experience with my father and most of my siblings over items that were given to me, I find myself at a lost as to why my father later changed his mind. How easy it is for others' to whisper in the ears of those that are of fimble minds. All of this negative chatter only serves to cause hate, sorrow and distrust among each family member struggling to make their point of view correct. What is left behind is only a shadow of the family that once was, a particle form of a loving, caring and trusting unit of souls. Jealousy, shame and the inability to admit a wrongness paves the way for one member in a family to shatter the very net that holds each us bound together.Not one person in a family unit can be more important than the whole of the family itself. Each of us has our place within the confinds of our own family unit. When one person strives to become the greater part of the whole, then we are only pieces of a puzzle that can never be fixed. Feeling the weight of the broken pieces has become a heavy structure for me and when the bough breaks too often it breaks forever. Hopefully for thousands of other families that may struggle with internal forces that seem to want to drive a wedge between the love once shared, if given a moment to sit and reflect, express in calm form your hurts and pains perhaps you can resolve the anger and sorrows that would attempt to pull you apart. Do not wait until it so late into the fracture that there is no return from when the bough breaks. Learning to heal ones' self is the only way to survive the breaking of the family bough.

One Foot In Front of the Other

The thought of speaking about my drinking problem or any other problems I have isn't what I fear,it was having to face the problem at all. I have spoken in front of numberous of persons before revealing my scared soul, but this was different. Now I was actually asking for someone's help. Just thinking about being able to put one foot in front of the other was terrifying. Could I really take this on and see the challenge for what it was, for myself, especially for the rest of my life? Only time would tell. With hope and prayer I mustered up enough strength so that I could face this demon of mine head on. For the first time in so many years I was actually stepping through a door into the dark abyss. Like my heart disease that I had faced many years before there was much unknown to me in this new quest. My fear and the feeling of being unsure surrounded my every fiber like a new enemy. With one clear thought in mind I knew that no matter what lay ahead I could do whatever it took to accomplish my goal of becoming sober and staying that way for the rest of my life. My challenges of having had heart disease for fourteen years had taught me one important fact. I could accomplish anything that I set my mind to including, becoming sober. This was my last major hurdle in a long list of many failures in my life. Throw in a little bit of uncertainty and I will buckle down and achieve anything. Even that which seems impossible. My will to survive is only surmounted by my will to never fall prey to the unknown. For all that I have failed at and all that I have achieved one element remains in my soul, it is the knowledge that I am the captain of my own ship, in all things I trust what I have endured and learned. I am a survivor and a conqueor of the unexpected. Not even death's grip could hold me and thus so has given me a renewed zeal to become victorious over all things that would hold be back. Like all things that push against me, I have waged war against the opression of heart disease, alcoholism and diabetes. Everday that I continue to be the victor I collected that winning chip called life. With one foot in front of the other I step into each day ready for battle, expecting a victory. There is always room for continuing self improvement day by day being reminded that my failures are also a part of who I am. But always I remain the captain of my ship, seeking all things in life that encourage peace, kindness and a true heart that knows, one step at at time. One foot in front of the other, into my future path,I sail.